A long working life is provided not only by the joint life of the husband and wife, but in all respects by a harmonious marriage. The psychological climate in the family is essential, which depends on many factors: on mutual feelings; common ideas, interests and aspirations; the moral atmosphere in which the family lives; decency of family members and exactingness to themselves and others; respectful, attentive and caring attitude to each other; mutual sincerity and understanding, as well as material well-being and living conditions.
Formally, a family begins from the moment of marriage, however, premarital relations also influence the life together – a period of acquaintance and courtship. It is then that the study of each other and mutual gradual adaptation begins. This, of course, does not occur in 2 weeks or 1 month. Living in the world of another person, studying his personality requires more time. The duration of this period must be determined consciously, because the marriage union cannot be based only on mutual sympathy. You can not lay the building of marriage on loose sand. It is unreasonable, say, to marry before serving in the army. Let the time of separation be the touchstone for mutual feelings.
Often they forget that love and love are in many ways different phenomena. Between them you can not put an equal sign. In most cases they fall in love not with a person as a person, but with some external signs characteristic of him: hair, eyes, legs, smile, timbre of voice, manner of speaking, posture, even the style of clothing. To fall in love, it is not necessary to know a person thoroughly.
Any person in the subconscious has some unclear ideal image of a representative of the other sex.
In most cases, this is a mixture of mom (dad), sisters (brothers), first teachers, theater and movie artists, and who knows who else. Falling in love, they find features in the representatives of the other sex that are characteristic of this image created by fantasy. However, in the future it may become clear that the object of falling in love does not at all correspond to the ideal image, and, flashing like lightning, the attraction passes. In addition, an obscure ideal image can coincide, combine with the object of falling in love, and then a more serious and lasting attraction is born, which can proceed without violent love. There are frequent cases when people who have been working together for a long time suddenly notice that they are as if created for each other.
The pillar of marriage in modern times is considered sexual love, a deep attraction to a particular representative of gender. It is extremely rare that this feeling in its original form lasts a lifetime.
Over the years, feelings will inevitably be wasted. The content of life is composed of labor, duties, responsibilities, cares, difficulties and, of course, joy. Together (together) to overcome all this, to support each other, to take care of a new generation – this is marriage. A harmonious family does not arise by itself; it requires mutual respect in the interests of health, especially the mental, of both parents and children. If they don’t understand this or don’t want to understand, then quarrels, discontent, constant quarrels begin, resulting in neurosis, reproaches, accusations and, finally, divorce. A new marriage sometimes develops in the same way as the previous one, and sometimes it is better if a person has gained intelligence. You need to learn how to live in marriage.
Most of the family conflicts arise due to the fact that the husband and wife do not know each other’s psychological characteristics, which are explained by biological (physiological, hormonal), as well as social (traditions, education, role in the family) reasons. These differences are normal, and do not treat them as deviations from the norm.
Men in general are characterized by abstract, theoretical thinking, on which feelings have little effect. Men are relatively easily able to resist the influence of mood and unimportant factors when making decisions. Therefore, on the one hand, in many cases it would be more correct for a wife to leave her husband the right to solve complex issues requiring foresight, critical attitude and objectivity. On the other hand, the husband often lacks diplomacy, sensitivity and kindness in solving family problems, when theorizing and a schematic approach can only hurt the cause. Men sometimes do not see life behind principles and schemes. In these cases, the wife should be allowed to make a decision, the thinking of which is more specific, figuratively emotional (more dependent on feelings).
It is difficult for women to overcome immediacy and “sensory thinking,” especially in relation to other people. They do not always manage to look at themselves and others from the side. A frequent manifestation of women’s bias is the attitude towards their children, in which they see non-existent giftedness or kindness, that is, what they want to see. At the same time, the female way of thinking allows you to better navigate in relation to children, relatives, friends and acquaintances. In most cases, the wife in the family is a better psychologist than the husband, and therefore, in a conflict situation, other family members tend to side with the wife. A sensible husband calmly trusts the solution of family problems to his wife, discreetly encouraging her independence and activity, he himself, of course, also has to reckon with her opinion.
Men are characterized by fervor, scope and variability of feelings, but their activity, vitality, ability to attach, kindness and simple-heartedness can sometimes be the cause of family quarrels. Women should keep in mind that not only their strength, but also their weakness is hidden in the ardor and scope of male feelings. Stormy feelings make a man passionate, strong feelings do not last long and can soon change. Men themselves must learn to manage their feelings, regulate and curb them. Crazy temper is a very serious male flaw that can cause suffering not only to yourself, but also to women close to them.
The feelings of women are even more complicated. Men complain both about their excessive emotionality, and about coldness and restraint, and sometimes right away about both.
It is allegedly impossible to understand women at all, but in reality there is nothing impossible and incomprehensible here. The feelings of women are less stormy and ardent than those of men, but more permanent and deeper. Women are superior to men in the subtleties, complexity of feelings and in the richness of their shades. Depth, constancy, diversity and richness of the shades of feelings cannot manifest themselves violently, however, any man can understand these feelings if he sincerely loves a woman. The emotional atmosphere that dominates the family depends on the woman: joyful and optimistic or oppressive and pessimistic.
It may seem to her husband that some trifle spoils the mood of the wife, makes her cry or causes anger. However, one fine day it turns out that the trifle turned out to be the surface part of the iceberg, a warning about an impending disaster or serious trials that the husband had not yet noticed, and his wife had already narrated. Consequently, husbands should trust their wife’s instincts. Women anticipate better than husbands anticipate.
Maternal and paternal feelings are different. Maternal feelings and love contain more shades. Mothers feel better about younger children; in men, contacts are stronger with older children. Knowing this, you can avoid unnecessary competition in raising children and impact on them. Role qualities in men and women are also different. Most believe that the lack of willpower for men is greater than vice for women. A man is able to use his stronger will to the detriment of himself, turning into a lord, worse than a tyrant. The father of a family with a strong will must have self-criticism, otherwise the family ship may run aground.
A woman as a whole has a weaker will than men, therefore men are given certain privileges in both public and family life. The willpower of a woman is not always pronounced, and in some ways she is really inferior to a man, however, if a woman considers something very significant for herself and her family, she is able to defend her own.
The overall activity in men is greater than in women. They are more active, less in place. This is one of the reasons why accidents occur more often with boys and men than with girls and women. Men are more drawn to everything new and to a change of experience. It happens that a man changes the good old to the new bad, causing harm to both himself and his family. Men need changes from time to time, but they do not have to relate to the family. Women should take this feature into account and create a field of activity for them both in the family and in public life, not constraining their initiatives, but directing it in a certain direction: continuing studies, mastering a new or additional profession, sports, hunting, fishing, traveling during joint vacation, any hobby, important, significant events in the household, etc. All this will allow the husband to use the activity (as well as his son) for his own good and the good of the family and avoid any complications. Orders and prohibitions could not be done.
The activity of men is probably due to their desire for independence. After all, it is known with what resentment both boys and men react when they are even jokingly called a sissy or a husband. An excessive restriction of a man’s freedom usually averts him from taking care of family affairs, leading to hidden hostility or even hatred.
Men’s subconscious love of independence requires a well-developed sense of discipline and self-restraint. A woman should not only take this aspiration into account, but also discipline it, instill a sense of duty towards the family.
Thus, the cause of disagreements in the family may be the desire of one of the spouses, often the wife, to be together in their free time, or vice versa – sometimes to go alone to chat with friends. There is nothing out of the ordinary or bad. This should not cause resentment. There are purely female and purely male topics, which are usually discussed in purely male or female companies. However, freedom cannot be taken for granted, of course. Otherwise, it may happen that everyone begins to move in his orbit, moving away from each other, paving the way for successive alienation and ultimately to divorce.
The character of an adult man is more static, less flexible, more angular than that of a woman, changes less over the years and is more difficult to exert from outside. Therefore, men are more constant in their desire for change, in their love of independence, etc. However, this can sometimes be an obstacle to the successful adaptation of men in family life (and even in the work collective). Naturally, it is more difficult for others to adapt to his character. Not every wife is capable of this, and not every woman can be required to do so.
It is really quite difficult for a man to change his character. He should have taken that into account. Wife can help. It is hopeless to try to quickly re-educate the husband, to better understand him, to get used to at least some aspects of his character. You can remake your husband gradually and not with categorical requirements, but tactfully and carefully guiding him. Only a wife can act on her husband, that is, the wife herself must educate her husband. We can also say with confidence that worthy men will grow out of the sons of a woman who has coped with this task.
Women are less active than men, so they are more patient and careful. The desire of women to create and maintain traditions is well known, but the activity induced by feelings can also acquire an unusual, strength. The distribution of household chores and duties between husband, wife and children in accordance with their individual activity is in all respects reasonable and useful.
Ignoring the husband’s purely feminine qualities as a wife can lead to family problems. Mutual respect contributes to the creation of a family that is more dynamic, lasting, capable of respecting the spiritual and material values that are jointly acquired.
The flexibility of the female personality of men is often perceived as a flaw, a sign of weakness. Young people with a small baggage of life experience are often surprised at how many women are “without character” in their lives. In fact, the point here is completely different. Flexibility, the ability to adapt to any character – this is one of the most important, necessary qualities of women. Smart men value and respect their wives precisely for this “weakness” and “gentleness” of them. This apparent weakness of a woman is in fact one of her strengths.
And finally, another feature of the female psyche, knowledge of which is important for any man. In contrast to men who highly value the attractiveness and charm of women, the latter are less demanding regarding the external beauty of men. They value internal beauty and intellectual harmony of a man, spiritual charm more.
Do not think that the above descriptions of men and women fully apply to all men and women. Here we are dealing with a generalization. Each person is individual and unique. To study and take into account the characterological characteristics of the spouse is one of the most important prerequisites for a harmonious marriage.
Husband and wife are brought up in different families, married people have different upbringing, manners and habits. This does not interfere with lovers. This is later discovered. In marriage, the differences are gradually leveled. Spouses who have lived together for many years, even outwardly become similar to each other. There are several hypotheses to explain this phenomenon, however, the same concepts and ideas that have developed over time play an important role. If a husband and wife laugh, frown or get angry for the same reason, it is not surprising that their facial expressions, wrinkles and wrinkles are the same. From this and external resemblance.
The nervous system of women is more mobile and more closely associated with various biological functions of the body than men. In the expectation of a child and in the climacteric period, she is easily irritable, excitable and touchy, and during menstruation needs tenderness and attention.
Harmonious marriage does not tolerate insincerity, lies and deceit. By the way, silence is sometimes akin to lies. Lying and deceit for a long time can poison the home atmosphere, it happens, forever. Before committing something that there isn’t enough courage to talk about at home, you should think – what if the spouse also behaves this way? Sometimes, however, they say that for the sake of the home world a small lie is allowed. Maybe, but a lie remains a lie. Any deception removes the spouses from each other, causes distrust, which is difficult or impossible to regain. And suspicion and surveillance of each other suggest that marriage is cracking at the seams and has become a hassle and torment for spouses. The bitter truth in all cases is better than a sweet lie. In a harmonious marriage there should be no place for a situation in which the spouses would have to hurt each other, therefore it is harmonious.
In no case should there be disagreements in the upbringing of children, for children suffer most from this. Parents should from the very beginning to figure out how they want to see their children in the future (without too much imagination) and subsequently act together. In this case, there will be no misunderstandings and mutual reproaches between them. Each next step in the development of the child should bring joy to both mother and father. It should be so.